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    From Darkness to Light

    By Anthony Acampora

    Content Notice: This story contains references to Substance Abuse.

    Anthony’s life was spiraling out of his control. That is, until he discovered his faith— and this faith he found a light that cast out the shadows of his past.

    I began my career in the loss prevention field at the age of 20. This unique and interesting job, at the entry-level, consisted of catching shoplifters and dishonest employees. I loved the excitement and adrenaline that came with the job. I also realized there were many opportunities for growth, and I became very motivated and driven to succeed.

    Over 10 years, I was promoted six times and became a regional director in the extremely challenging New York City region. When the company went out of business, I went to another organization where I was also a regional director. But now I was also responsible for 88 specialty stores throughout the Midwest and east coast of the United States. I frequently traveled throughout this area, was highly motivated, and had outstanding performance statistics.

    Two years later, I was promoted to the corporate level as director of loss prevention in northern California. I had made it to the top of the industry, and life was really good. Until it wasn’t.

    About a year and a half later, amid an intense political war between various factions in the corporate office, the position I worked for many years to attain became a brutal battleground, and I found myself right in the middle of it.

    In January 2005, I left California and moved to South Florida, where I became a licensed private investigator and founded a security consulting and investigations firm. The business did well, but my heart was never really in it, especially as the focus became more on investigations and less on security consulting.

    For the next seven years, my life was on a downward trajectory. In other words, it was a complete disaster. I did what some refer to as parking in your pain: continuously replaying painful experiences again and again in the movie theater in my head. I soon became completely tormented by my own thoughts, which were intently focused on the previous job situation. It was a horror movie consisting of deep-seated anger directed toward others and myself. If you’ve ever seen an aerial view of a tornado as it tears through a small town, you’ll have an idea of what my life became. There seemed to be no relief in sight. I was in an extremely dark tunnel with no light to be found.

    In January 2006, my suspicions were confirmed. I came to learn that I was the target of lies and manipulation as a result of others’ selfish ambitions. The emotional anguish began to escalate with an ever deeper round of resentments. When in this tremendous prolonged emotional pain, I looked for an escape in all the wrong places. After a few years of this torment, excessive drinking and gambling became the new tools of my trade. It was truly a perfect storm, and I mean perfect for all the wrong reasons. I had cashed out large sums of stock options I had accumulated over the years with the previous company.

    I was utterly broken in spirit, and now I had found a way to distract myself from my pain. I did this by spending countless hours gambling at the Hard Rock Casino in Florida. Murphy’s law set in over me, and if something could go wrong, it did. This new gambling obsession had very little to do with money and much more to do with distracting myself from my misery. It was an illusion that would eventually result in even more despair. The problem with me using an outlet to distract from or numb my emotional pain was the reality that, at some point, I had to go back to my miserable existence and then start the entire process over again. The same issues remained, and new ones were sure to be added.

    During these seven brutal years, I was completely without purpose. I came to the realization that once I lost my sense of purpose the downward spiral of losing hope was not far behind.

    What is so excruciating about depression and its hideous companion, anxiety, is that they are not visible through the outward appearance. They are an unseen enemy. It wasn’t a physical injury where I could take an x-ray, allowing the doctors and family to understand what the damage is and about how long it will take to heal.

    On the contrary, with this type of pain I never really knew if I would ever come out of it. This only fueled the fear, anguish, and bewilderment. The initial empathy or attempts at understanding were short-lived, replaced with a bombardment of the sickening phrases (which always seemed to come out in slow motion), “snap out of it,” “you want to stay sick,” or “where’s your faith?”

    I became the issue and target, not the hideous emotional pain that was devouring my peace of mind and any remaining self-esteem. In a weakened state, I found myself in a war battling two fronts: the illness, and the stigma. I still haven’t determined which is worse.

    The way I finally overcame this misery — and believe me, this is only scratching the surface — was through crying out to God from the deepest parts of my being. I inherently knew He was my only hope. I came across this Biblical passage from the book of Romans:

    “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.”

    That really spoke to me and hit home as I had been often consumed with paying back evil with more evil. I read it over and over, and it started to go from words on a page to something much more, something that began to empower me. I started not only reading the Bible but actually applying God’s principles to my life. I prayed from the heart and asked God to help me to forgive. I could not do it on my own, and it was destroying me from the inside out.

    Through much prayer, I was finally able to truly forgive. I realized my inability or reluctance to forgive was the root cause of my downward spiral. True forgiveness was like a key that unlocked the door to the prison in my own mind. The door swung open, and I walked through it. I was no longer allowing people who hurt me in the past to continue to hurt me in my mind.

    God had intervened in a major way. He truly began to transform my heart, which was once selfish and focused on worldly achievements. I had viewed people as mere obstacles who were obstructing me from what I wanted to attain. I developed this incredible compassion for people suffering from similar issues and wanted to help them in some way, even if it was just sharing my story with them.

    Once again, God came through and opened up many doors to where I am now. I’m a faith program director and chaplain at an amazing national substance abuse and mental health treatment center called Banyan Treatment Centers. I work with people with mental health disorders and addiction. It is truly a blessing to be able to pull from my painful experiences on a daily basis to encourage others. The experiences were no longer random periods of wasted suffering. God was now using the pain to help others. All of the tests in my life are now my testimony.

    This is nothing short of miraculous. I have not had any hint of anxiety or depression since 2013. I have written two published books. One is a devotional book, the other is a testimonial book where I wrote about my story. I am also blessed to have written articles for seven national magazines.

    None of these things would have been possible for me without God rescuing me from myself. Two of my sisters also provided me with incredible support during this horrible time. They didn’t give up on me as others did. They were, without question, being used by God to help their little brother during a time when I needed them most.

    There really are no words that can adequately describe how I feel about God and my relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. I am in awe of His unconditional love, His grace, and His mercy.

    When I was in a dark place, just a little light made a huge difference.

    Anthony, an ordained minister, is a published Christian author and graduate of Vision International University. Anthony was awarded the 2019 Professional of the Year by Broward National Recovery, and selected as a Global Goodwill Ambassador in 2018. He is the host of The Faith in Recovery Show.

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