How Gratitude Keeps Me Mindful

I am very fortunate to have been raised with amazing parents in a home full of love. I am lucky to be an only child who has had everything that I’ve wanted. I am privileged to have been born with light skin and to have had no problems due to my race. And yet, I still feel empty inside.

I was eight years old when I started binge eating.

I was 11 years old when I had my first anxiety attack.

I was 13 years old when I had my first episode of depression.

I was 20 years old when I had an eating disorder similar to orthorexia.

Today, I am still not ready to share my full story—it would be far too long—but I want to share one of the self-care actions that most helped me strengthen my mental health. I have tried almost everything— therapy, psychiatric medicine, yoga, meditation, exercise, coloring mandalas, and more— but I’ve always lost interest because I struggle with being committed.

In early March of 2020, I felt exhausted, miserable, depressed, and scared. I was completely unhappy. I was in a job position that drained all my energy, and if I made the wrong move, I ended up having an anxiety attack. Sometimes it would be little things like saying something out of place, or sometimes it would be something like the CEO not liking a part of a project and then my supervisor blaming me for everything and screaming in the middle of the office. I had a lot of fear because I thought I didn’t have a voice or value. On top of that, I couldn’t handle the high pressure from my job anymore, and my supervisor’s bullying just made matters that much worse. My mental health had taken a serious toll, and my professional performance was certainly not at its best. I had felt like this for almost six months. Finally, I decided to quit.

A couple of days later, COVID-19 officially arrived in my country, and we all entered quarantine. I decided to give myself space to heal mentally and emotionally. One day, while I was scrolling through Instagram, I found a 30-day “Warrior Challenge” that a yoga master named Branden Collinsworth posted to build a loving and strong community of leaders during the pandemic. The challenge consisted of performing at least 30 minutes of movement, completing 10 to 20 minutes of meditation, and writing three things you were grateful for that day. I decided to give it a try.

In the beginning, I felt out of my comfort zone while writing in my little notebook three things that I was thankful for. I mostly work in digital marketing and social media, and so being attached to and dependent on my phone or laptop was very common. We live in an age of technology and distraction that has made my attention span shorter and shorter. And so, sitting there writing on actual paper in my notebook, I realized I had forgotten what it even was — this act of “being present.”

In the beginning, it was really difficult. I overthought my actions and got distracted instead of focusing on the challenge. But finally, I felt like something was changing— that my mind was in a nicer place, and that my thoughts were no longer like a black hole. I became more energized, my workouts were smoother, my attitude was lifted, my skin started to glow, and opening up about myself became simpler. Additionally, I realized that starting my day with a positive thought meant I finished that day more smoothly. I’ve learned that the best way to do this is by writing down my blessings. It forces me to look on the brighter side, even when everything is overwhelming.

Keeping a routine and a gratitude journal has helped me build resilience to live a fulfilling life.

Gratitude changed my life for the better. Now, I love myself more—I love myself unconditionally—and I know my real purpose. This practice helped me strengthen my mindset, it helped me accept that I should not listen to all my thoughts, and it helped me become more resilient in the face of life’s challenges. Being grateful made me more aware of my surroundings, and it awakened my curiosity. I started reading more books, I started being more honest in posting what I genuinely think, and I dared myself to meet cool people online.

To sum up, I always try to start and finish my day by saying what I am thankful for. Life is pure energy, and I prefer to attract the positive side.