Learning to Accept Mental Health Diagnoses

My culture and childhood has greatly influenced my mental health.

I am adopted, and I have no clue who my biological parents are. My family and friends are supportive and caring. I was malnourished, which may contribute to my mental health conditions.

I do not remember exactly when my symptoms started appearing.

They began in my teens, and eventually dominated my life over the years.

While my family indicated that I am experiencing symptoms, I usually ignored them. My denial is rooted in the stigma attached to mental health. I believe I am crazy when I am not and belong in a psychiatric hospital when I am stable.

Despite my family helping me become aware of my symptoms, no one understands how I attempt to hide my symptoms in public.

While my symptoms are obvious to my loved ones, they are nuanced to acquaintances and friends. I analyze every scenario and situation, which leads to persecutory paranoia without delusions and hallucinations.

My denial prevented me from seeking treatment. My primary care physician referred me to behavioral health several times, and I eventually agreed treatment would be beneficial. I received diagnoses from my therapist and psychiatrist in the Spring 2020 and Fall 2020, respectively. Receiving a diagnosis is a blessing and a curse.

While I am able to attach names to my symptoms, I constantly remind myself the diagnosis is used for health insurance.

Due to the Covid-19 restrictions, I currently receive telemedicine treatment. I look forward to visiting my therapist and psychiatrist in the clinic when the coronavirus is under control.

I was extremely hesitant about starting medication, as I worried about the long term use, side effects, and trial and error game to find the right medication.

My psychiatrist reassures and comforts me.

I consistently communicate with my medical providers via the electronic health record when I have concerns. While medication management is the most stressful component of treatment, persistence and advocating for yourself are both essential.

At one point, I believed I was failing treatment. My progress was slow and I saw little improvement, even with medication. I always look forward to therapy, as it provides a safe space to vent. I sometimes disagree with my psychiatrist; however, she prescribes medication based on research to improve symptoms. I am grateful for my therapist and psychiatrist who listen and validate me.

While attending therapy and taking my medication, I remind myself I am not crazy and my diagnosis does not define me.

I consistently pray to Jesus Christ to guide me along this difficult, rewarding journey.

I constantly ask, “Why me?” and no one answers – not even God.

As I’ve learned to accept my mental health conditions, advocacy reminds me I am not alone in my struggles. Reaching out to people is difficult when I am an introvert, but thanks to social media and Zoom meetings, I’ve been able to open up to brilliant people. Thank you to all my acquaintances for accepting me into your circles.