The only problem was that I had no idea that the comfort I perceived was utterly toxic, harmful, and dangerous. This perceived comfort was a sweet poison—and worst of all, it was a deliberate, manipulative scheme that I had been ensnared in by my would-be life partner.
This manipulative narcissistic being struck me to my core. They abused me psychologically, they abused me emotionally, and they drew me further and further away from myself and the independent person I used to be. Their vanity and egocentrism created the perfect storm for my hyper-empathic personality—this person sucked every ounce of energy from me. I was left devoid of my willpower and exhausted. I was increasingly invaded by crippling self-doubt. I couldn’t tell right from wrong. I developed an intense distrust of the world around me, including those dear friends who had been closest to me.
It was like I had put on these deception glasses that wouldn’t allow me to operate as a grounded and aware individual. My bones wore a different skin, my eyes observed a gnarled, cruel, and distorted scene, my soul was ever-swallowing this toxicity.
Every day I was scolded, I was threatened, I was mocked and humiliated. It seemed I would never awaken from this toxic trance.
People around me warned me that this person I labeled as “the only one who will ever understand me”—was spinning a harmful, deadly web to completely manipulate and control me. It took thousands of tangled and targeted words, countless disrespectful actions, and numerous violent threats until one evening when the topic came up between me and my cousin, I outright fainted, and fell to the kitchen floor.
Only then did I begin to see a faint, hazy hint of clarity through this murk of manipulation. I slowly started to question the words, the attitude, and the actions of that person who I had thought to be my greatest ally. I began to break down and revise the very set of values and principles that defined and guided me as a person. I asked myself:
“Am I being respected and loved as a person and woman?”
“Is it true that love implies suffering?”
“Do I love myself?”
“Am I respecting myself while being in this relationship?”
As the liberation phase began in my mind, I also tried to take physical steps to fully distance myself—to disconnect myself—from that experience:
I changed my phone number.
I changed my email address.
I deleted photos, and I hurled belongings into the trash.