My Birth into Unknown Joy

“The wound is where the light enters you.” — Rumi

It seems impossible that such an idyllic childhood could give way to chaos and pain, but life’s unpredictability unraveled me slowly and then all at once.

In 2016, I hit the lowest point in my life. Two failed businesses, toxic relationships, and addiction had led to reckless behavior that caused widespread pain for me and others around me. I lost almost everything — my home, dignity, car, employment, savings, and even my freedom. Sitting on a cold jail floor in a dirty jumpsuit, I realized my life had been reduced to ashes by my addictions and poor choices. I had no option but to rebuild my life from the ground up…if I was going to be a mess, I would be a mess from hard work.

I wasn’t always lost. As a carefree, red-headed ranch boy in the Texas Hill Country, life was simple and safe. It seems impossible that such an idyllic childhood could give way to chaos and pain, but life’s unpredictability unraveled me slowly and then all at once.

After I turned 11, my family moved frequently, chasing real estate opportunities. Each move meant leaving friends behind, and I quickly learned not to get attached to anybody. By my mid-20s, I had relocated over 20 times. In the Carolinas during my teen years, hurtful societal messages about my sexuality left deep emotional scars. College should have been an escape, but it became another battlefield. My grades reflected the unresolved trauma I carried, turning what should have been a four-year journey into a decade-long struggle. After bouncing between schools, I finally earned my degree — a hard-fought victory.

That day, the darkness began to take over, and addiction would haunt me for years.

In my early 20s, after coming out of the closet, I moved west to San Diego. Life felt perfect, living on the beach and surfing. I experienced a blast of fun in my life and a host of new loves. But beneath the surface, addiction had begun creeping in. One day, as I sat on the beach, I realized I was no longer in control. That day, the darkness began to take over, and addiction would haunt me for years.

Entrepreneurial aspirations in the restaurant industry added more chaos. The high-pressure environment took a toll on my mental health. I threw myself into these ventures, all while grappling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and addiction. The restaurant industry mirrored my internal state — one moment I was riding high, and the next I was crashing. When my businesses collapsed, it deepened the roller coaster of triumphs and failures. I turned to drugs, thrills, and sex to ease my turmoil within.

Orthopedic surgeries and medical emergencies introduced me to prescription painkillers, adding fuel to the fire. The opioid crisis hit my life hard, and I moved from prescription drugs to dangerous street drugs, always chasing the next high, numbing the fear of the inevitable crash.

The final weeks of active addiction looked like an endless blur of cocaine and sexual partners whom I barely remember. The fallout was inevitable. Sadly, the consequences of my addiction were far-reaching. The most devastating consequence was the inaccurate public press about me, following my dramatic arrest, after I decided to have a romantic relationship with someone underage. All of this occurred while my addictions were at their worst. I deeply regret these actions, and one night changed my life forever. I fully walked through the process, head high and present, and I faced the music head-on. Incarceration became a transformative experience for me. Despite the harsh environment, I found unexpected connections, friendships, and even moments of joy. I became a trusted worker, feeding inmates daily. That responsibility gave me a sense of purpose and a reminder of my humanity.

Taking full accountability for hitting rock bottom was a scary turning point.

Taking full accountability for hitting rock bottom was a scary turning point. Embracing my actions, including the taboo crime, allowed me to reclaim a lost part of myself. Accountability transformed my life from one of secrecy to one of honesty and integrity. Failure, when fully owned, became my greatest asset and armor.

Forgiveness became another cornerstone of my transformation. There is no such thing as an unforgivable sin. The process of forgiving ourselves is crucial to healing. By forgiving ourselves, we unburden the weight of our past mistakes and move forward with grace.

As I began rebooting my life, I realized the public interest in my story and how it could help others. I created my blog to offer hope to those struggling with addiction and as a way to bridge the gap with my community. My blog became a place where I could connect with others facing similar battles, showing them that recovery is possible. Through honest storytelling, I wanted to demonstrate that redemption is achievable, even after the darkest days. We are all forgivable, even the worst among us. That includes murderers, war criminals, prostitutes, racists, wife-batterers, drug dealers, misogynists, sex offenders, and even serial killers. Everyone is a candidate for forgiveness under the right circumstances.

My husband, Juan, and our dog, Ellie, became my companions on this path. Together, we found healing in nature. The peace I once sought through destructive means was now found in the simplicity of hiking, kayaking, and enjoying life fully with my partner by my side.

Through this process, I discovered the power of choice. My decision to rebuild my life wasn’t just a response to tragedy — it was a deliberate choice to create an amazing life, despite everything I had been through. This choice, made daily, became the foundation of my resilience and happiness. Every morning, I choose to see the beauty in life, to engage with the world, and to cultivate joy, even on the hardest days.

The power of this choice lies in its consistency. No matter what happens, I decide how to respond. In that decision, I find tremendous strength.

My outlook on life has changed completely. Each day is an opportunity to embrace life fully and engage with the world meaningfully.

Today, I thrive in a beautiful marriage, free from the chaos that once consumed me. My outlook on life has changed completely. Each day is an opportunity to embrace life fully and engage with the world meaningfully. I no longer run from my past; instead, I’ve embraced it as part of who I am. I am deeply connected to the present moment.

Forgiveness is not just something we seek from others; it is a gift we must give ourselves. The idea of an unforgivable sin is a lie that traps us in guilt and shame. When we learn to forgive ourselves, we set ourselves free and can begin to thrive.

Rebuilding wasn’t without challenges. Judgment, shame, and setbacks were frequent visitors. But I pressed on, learning that happiness is a daily practice. It isn’t dependent on achievements or possessions. I created the concept of a “happiness discipline,” cultivating joy even amidst suffering. Just like a happy marriage takes work, so does a happy life.

Now, I stand as proof that rock bottom doesn’t have to be the end. It can be the beginning of something beautiful. My life today is filled with joy, purpose, and deep connections, though many wouldn’t believe that if they looked at my mugshot from 2016. Through my blog, I hope to encourage others to see that no matter how far you’ve fallen, there is always a way forward. With perseverance, self-compassion, and a willingness to face your fears, you can build a life of meaning and happiness. Forgiveness is the first step. We are all deserving of redemption, no matter our past mistakes.

Brett Niebergall lives in the Bay Area of California. He is an entrepreneur, wilderness aficionado, and self-proclaimed happiness architect. Brett, his husband, Juan, and their dog, Ellie, have a thriving relationship of adventuring and exploring together.