My Disability Won’t Limit Me

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1993 at the age of 18. I was a teen mother with a six-month-old daughter whose father was physically abusive to me during the pregnancy and after she was born. As a result, I had a nervous breakdown. I was hospitalized for a month and put on medication that I couldn’t swallow. Out of fear, I never told the doctor that I was being abused and returned to the same unstable, abusive environment. I moved around a lot, first with my abusive ex, then without, until I moved with my daughter to live with my parents. After some time, I was kicked out of my parents’ house and was homeless, staying in shelters until I moved in with a church family, then a group home for the mentally ill. It was in those places that I started to get help and take care of myself again.

I got an apartment in 1998, thanks to the SSI, but with a miscarriage and a stillborn son, things weren’t exactly good.

My environment in New Orleans was toxic. I was sleeping around and couldn’t raise my daughter. I didn’t want to work because I was waiting for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) due to my bipolar diagnosis. I got an apartment in 1998, thanks to the SSI, but with a miscarriage and a stillborn son, things weren’t exactly good. During this time, my best friends, Mae Mae and Carolyn, supported me and tried to help me. They were my strength, and I believe they were sent to help watch over me during this time. I had another miscarriage before getting pregnant again in the summer of 2001 and had a son who was sick. They expected him to live, but his lung collapsed and he died a month later. I was admitted to the hospital where I met a therapist, Shirley, who, along with Mae Mae and Carolyn, was nourishing, encouraging, and supportive. They truly cared about me and helped guide me through my recovery. Shirley had such a big impact that, even after I evacuated New Orleans, the seeds that she planted took root and made me who I am today. They, and Hurricane Katrina, saved my life.

Out of Hurricane Katrina emerged a stronger version of me—I discovered who I was, and I had a vision that began with getting my daughter back in August 2005 when she was 12. Not raising her is a regret I‘ll live with for the rest of my life. We evacuated to Huntsville with my parents because my dad used to live there, and it’s where both of my younger brothers were born. When we arrived we were staying on the military base, but once we were settled I began to make improvements in all parts of my life. I had my daughter back, and we began going to the mental health center together because she had also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I wrote to my younger self, and I knew once it was finished that women around the world could identify with it.

I worked on getting my GED and finally received it in November 2007. Thanks to the ideas that Shirley gave me, I enrolled at college in 2009. Although I was making positive progress, I got pregnant in 2010, and only one month later my dad died. That was very hard for me because he was such a great man—always giving gifts and money, always looking out for everyone. My daughter and I went to New Orleans to pick up Carolyn so that she could also attend the funeral. It was the support I got from her and my daughter that helped me get through that difficult time. My daughter lived with me and helped me with my son for two years. While I had her help, I finished getting my cosmetology certification. It was at this time in 2012 that I started writing poetry. When I was in high school I was told I had good writing, and my essay on the GED helped me to get a higher score, but this was different. My son was one year old and I was giving him a bath when the words came to me. The title was “Girl Love Yourself!” which is something that I didn’t do in my teens or twenties. I wrote to my younger self, and I knew once it was finished that women around the world could identify with it.

In May 2012, I wrote my first book. I just knew it would help people. It was published in 2013, and then in 2014 I published two poetry books. During the time I was writing, I was also helping my son, who I had been told was developmentally delayed. We started him in day care and speech therapy, and my daughter got a job. I kept writing poetry to help me get through until my car got totaled. For nearly two years I needed to take cabs for everything I did, including getting my son to school and going to my college classes until, on March 11, 2016, I got a new car. The date has meaning because it is my first son’s birthday. Life got better. Then it got worse, and I have continued to have hard times between the good ones. I got a job in 2017 as a substitute teacher but lost it in 2018 and flunked out of college because my uncle, who I was very close to, died, and I took it too hard. Because I was always home and feeling depressed, I gained weight. In January 2019, when I felt better, I enrolled in the college where I am now, and I applied for another job as a substitute teacher. I apologized for the incident and they decided to give me another chance. In March 2020, school closed and I was unemployed. It took months to get unemployment—I had to write to my governor, attorney general, and senator. Virtual learning with my son was frustrating. We were both struggling to do the work; it was entirely too much.

My life still has ups and downs, but throughout this time writing has continued to help me, along with counseling. Having my dog also helps my son and me mentally. I adopted her 12 years ago, and it was one of the best things for us. I’m currently a senior in college working on my bachelor’s degree in psychology and studying criminal justice. Over the past nine years, I have found that my mission in life is being an advocate. I want to be a voice for people who need someone to fight on their behalf, so after I finish my bachelor’s, I plan to get my JD law degree.

Things like walking, watching sports, and my relationship with God keep me from being down. Throughout the challenge of this past year, my relationship with God has kept me steady, and so I use that to write, and I use social media to share my story. The Trump presidential administration was very triggering, especially when he was on Twitter, so I would write poetry on Twitter in response. My poetry seemed to be a bridge over troubled water and was able to connect people from opposite sides.

My family saw my season of struggles in New Orleans for 20 years, but what they didn’t see was that the pain helped me gain my identity and my purpose.

Having my son helped me to improve my life and make better choices for him too. Had I not had him, I wouldn’t be in college. He inspires me every day. I believe God gave him to me so I could see what lies within myself and has been in me all the time, though I didn’t see it. I am very grateful. God knows what we need to get us on the right track, and I am not interested in looking back. Everything we go through in life is to help someone else. It has a purpose. For every season, God has a reason. Each season is preparing us for the next one. My family saw my season of struggles in New Orleans for 20 years, but what they didn’t see was that the pain helped me gain my identity and my purpose. God will use your pain for a purpose and your story will help others. I learned some lessons the hard way: don’t date, leave men alone, and focus on your son and yourself. Leave toxic people behind because they are always in a bind.

When you discover who you are, you recover, and people notice that they can’t run game on you anymore. When you know your purpose, it will propel you forward in the direction you should take. Everyone has to walk a different path. My path is for me. God puts us where we need to be and connects us with people who will help us grow. When you grow up, the same problems won’t show up. It’s a process that takes time and it’s not a race. We each have a different pace because God’s taking us to a different place. My disability doesn’t limit my ability and capability! It doesn’t define me! I will achieve because I believe!

Kimberly Ferguson is a teacher’s aide and author who earned her bachelor’s degree in 2023. Surviving Life’s Storms Victoriously, her autobiography, is available on Amazon.